I know it's been a little while since I last posted anything. The reasons are good. I have been busy. Since my last posting, I have obtained a second job and have set the goal to get myself out of debt by June 2012. I don't have a lot of debt so hopefully this can be done fairly easily. However, I have a daughter who will cost me a pretty penny between now and then as well. She has extensive dental work to be done and will be in need of a car by the start of the next school year (her senior year).
In the past five weeks, I have grown a lot. I have had the opportunity to be a part of a silent retreat in which I learned quite a bit about myself. It was very emotional and enlightening. I'm looking forward to the next opportunity to be silent. My relationship with my daughter has grown and become more than I ever could have imagined. I am beginning to feel very blessed for the experience I have been in.
On Saturday (New Year's Eve), it will mark the twelfth week of the beginning of my new journey in life. And I must say, things have greatly improved for me. I no longer cry everyday and when I do cry now, it's not only about him. It's about a lot of things. It's just good for cleansing my heart and soul so I can open up for love and life in a new way. And if you're asking the question while reading this, "Is she FINALLY over him?", the answer is NO. I still love him as much today as I have loved him from the day I fell in love with him. However, the way I love him today is very different and changes everyday. I am learning to love completely with an open heart and a genuine selflessness that will hopefully one day soon allow me to let go completely. And that day will be one of great reward for me. I finally see just how confining it can be to love selfishly. What an eye opener.
Having said all of that, I will tell you that setting goals, spending amazing quality time with my daughter, living my life for me, learning how to love ME and being able to genuinely smile at myself in the mirror with love and respect for myself is truly changing my life. I set out on this journey for six months. Seeing where I am half way into it makes me want to work that much harder to feel that much better about the person I am and living the single life. It can be good, and I'm coming to terms with that.....slowly.
More to come soon.
Sending light and love to you all!
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