More than 23 weeks later and I'm sill alive and still kicking. More so now than ever. It took what it took for me to get where I am today and I'm still learning and still growing but the pain is GONE! Thank God!
Since I last wrote, I was approaching three months from the day my life changed. At that time, I was beginning to see things from a better view. I wasn't looking at life as it had come to an end any longer. But I still had a long way to go.
During the month of December, I was sort of a shell walking around trying to figure out what to do with my life. I had had it all planned out to spend Christmas and the rest of my life with this guy. Now, I was spending Christmas alone. I didn't want to be that sob story who sat inside and did nothing for the holidays (I had done that the Christmas before), so I made a plan. I chaired a meeting Christmas Eve, went to midnight mass with a dear friend, shared Christmas morning with my wonderful daughter and then took her to her family's house. Finally, I headed over to the soup kitchen for the homeless and served until they wouldn't let me serve anymore. What a gift!!!! I have so much good in my life and I have been moping around all this time. At that point it became apparent to me that I could actually get past this terrible place that I'm in and move forward....but when? Then I became 100% convinced that it would be at the turn of the year. And I set my sights on that day.
New Years Eve rolled around and low and behold I HAD A PARTY. It turned out to be women only, which was perfect for my state of mind. We rang in the new year and everyone went home by 1:00 am. I began to feel different. I woke up the next day and the cloud of gloom was gone!!! I saw a bright future and rejoiced in it. I felt relief and no more sadness. And FINALLY I understood what those wonderful women had been telling me for so long.
I got up and went to the mirror and felt nothing but love. The most important, underlying part of that sentence is that the person I felt the most love for was ME. That had never happened. I really just wanted to take care of me. And I knew that if I really wanted to take care of me and I did so, then when it came time to take care of my daughter, I could and would with no questions. I had faith that all would be OK.
Today as I write this post, it's March 20th and the first day of spring. I'm 2.5 weeks away from the official 6 month date from the day he ended our relationship and I am truly grateful to that wonderful man for what he gave me. He doesn't know it and may never know it, but he gave me freedom, through pain, that I've never known and never could have imagined. I'm happier today with who I am and where my life is headed than any of my 36 years past. And I love today, like I've never loved, with purity and sincerity and with all my heart. God willing, my love for all people is unconditional, but most times I have to work on that piece. I have bonds today with women that I never knew I could have and I'm forming friendships with men that are just that...friendships with no agenda (on my part) and a true desire to see everyone happy, including the one who was so special to me. I still miss him as we were great friends but I don't crave that relationship any longer and that is a gift.
To those of you who have kept up with this blog, thank you. You have been my inspiration to keep writing. I apologize for not writing for so long. But you know...life has gotten good and I forgot to share that part with you all. Not anymore. I will try to do better. Because the title of this blog is Live, Laugh, Love for a reason and that's what I get to do today.
Until next time....keep on keepin' on.!!!!
Love,
Leigh Ann
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