Wednesday through Friday consisted of me floating through life. I went to work, I cried, I went home, I cried. My beautiful daughter was amazing through this whole week. She was supportive and loving and kind and had my back. I literally felt light headed all the time. Nothing felt real. Nothing felt tangible. The only thing I felt was pain.
Thursday night I had coffee with a girlfriend and my homegroup meeting. I cried in the meeting the whole time. My wonderful friends just surrounded me and loved me and got me through the meeting.
Friday I met with my sponsor for lunch and she was amazing. She always brings God back into the picture for me. She always tries to get me to stay in the moment and out of the past or future (things we cannot change and have no control over). I cried all through lunch. Then that night my daughter was driving again with the now ex-boyfriend. I had an unexpected guest show up who thankfully was there when my daughter showed back up. Seeing him is so hard. And so I cried more!
I keep talking about all this crying, because it's so new for me. I've never in my 35 years felt raw emotion like this. I've never been so desperate to change me. I've never wanted to die like this before and I've never felt so hopeless. I really want to stress that during this blogging because I have faith that the other side of this will be so wonderful like I keep hearing and I want to share the joy as much as I'm sharing the pain. So wish me luck!
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